God Bless The One Who Invented Yoga Pants

Another reason to give thanks to God

It may not always seem like it, but God truly loves us all. He gave us Beer, Football, Women, and Mel Brooks movies. The last great invention He gave us was sweatpants and shorts with words printed upon them. I got to mix my love of reading with my natural inclination to be distracted and my love of big asses. And then on the 8th day God created Yoga Pants.

A long, long time ago some hippie decided that both sports and exercise were too tough and created Yoga. Yoga was practiced every day by every sports team in the nation and it was called “stretching”. Stretching was then given an exotic name and made more strenuous by forcing people to bend in ways not thought possible before. And this tightened up the bodies of people who practiced it. But people couldn’t wear normal sweatpants or shorts while Yogaing! No no no! A great human being decided to create skintight clothing that grips every beautiful curve of the female body and was ridiculously easy to stretch in.

It was once said that sweatpants were the best indicator of a woman’s hotness. Sweatpants tell no lies. You can tell what a woman looked like when she wore her sweats to breakfast. And then man created the Wonderbra which created more false promises than 7 seasons of LOST. God realized man’s mistake.

The Yoga Pants are perfect. They make every woman look attractive. And women know this. They create confidence. Big asses, small asses, bony asses, they all look great in Yoga Pants. So do yourself a favor and look at the ass of every woman in Yoga Pants. She worked hard for that ass. And Thank You God for the opportunity to look.

Toodles